Present Thoughts, Future Tense.

Currently, in a little town in the south-west part of Virginia named Damascus, there is an amazing event going on. A party for hikers, by hikers, about hikers.

 

I am not there.

 

It’s a hard thing – not being somewhere you want to be. It’s even harder knowing you could have made something happen that you wanted to, but didn’t. But part of growing up is realizing that just because you want something doesn’t mean it’s good for you to do.

So I’m not at Trail Days, with a bunch of other 2013 AT Hikers that I know. I was not there when they showed Seven’s documentary and my short on Thursday night.

Nor does it look like I’ll be getting on the PCT in 2015.

 

 

I don’t think that reality fully sank in until I wrote it down there.

 

Why not? Maybe I’m growing up a little bit. I’ve got a new job that has me tied to a contract for a year, pays well and has good benefits. It lets me meet new people, be flexible and travel some, all while letting me pay off the bills and debts. Maybe if I play things right, I can knock my debt off a lot faster than I thought I was going to. It also is a job that might let me come back and work somewhere else in the nation after my next adventure in a few years. Just not next year.

I mentioned something Chevy, a 2011 AT Thru-Hiker had said to months ago – “Some people never leave the trail.”  They are walking to find something, or walking away from other things. Sometimes it’s because they don’t know anything different, they understand hiking and the people and culture. It’s the only place they feel right about. I can understand that entirely. When I sit in the cubeland during my current gig I find it hard to relate to my coworkers, I just want to stand up and scream – punch a window out to feel real air, not the same recycled air-conditioning. But I can’t – it wouldn’t get my anywhere. I know I don’t belong here, and as much as I miss the hiking and the people, I don’t belong back there yet either.

There are people I know on the PCT right now and there are people I know at Trail Days right now who I’m jealous of, whom I’d trade places with in a heartbeat. But I also know that I’m not ready to go back to that life yet – physically definetly, and probably mentally too. I learned many things about myself last year, and about those I love. But I have to work at making that person who hiked the person I am back here at home.

That is my greatest challenge. Not money, not love, not injury. But my own self.

So instead I’ll follow their adventures. Just like others followed mine. I’ll support them, just like others have supported me.

http://live-4today.com/blog/

http://ketchuponthepct.wordpress.com/

 

Because even though I’m not with them, my brothers and sisters, My Family, are still out there.

And you do everything you can for the family you choose.

Advertisements

About Doc Spice

I walked around 4,000 miles between 2012 and 2013 on the Appalachian Trail. A time of discovery, life, joy and pain. Now I'm a hometown adventurer, explorer of the alley around the corner, the national park up the road, the next long hike and the beautiful, intelligent woman I talk to a lot. I'm a little crazy. But I think that's ok.

Posted on 05/17/2014, in 2014 and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Hey Doc. Just catching up on your posts. It sounds like you’ve found a sort of contentment, for now. I can understand some of the longing you expressed about the Trail. I hope things work out for cubeland and for the PCT someday. I love following your adventures, no matter where (or when?) they take you. Keep on keepin’ on!

  2. singlegirlhiking

    I miss your writing.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: