Regret Away!

Personally I think the line “live with no regrets” is a bit silly. You’re going to have regrets no matter what you do, because you’re never going to get it completely right – even when you do.

So really, shouldn’t we phrase it “Don’t let your regrets rule your decisions?”

I bring this up after talking with a friend of mine. She’s a bit paralyzed by decisions she’s trying to make because she wants it to come out “perfect.” Personally, I gave up on “perfect” awhile ago and have been striving for “not having things on fire.”

I think it’s more realistic isn’t it? Things are usually fixable, or at least manageable if they go terribly wrong. Spending time and worry and anguish over trying to get something “perfect” when instead you could spend that time actually Doing.

No one is dead, pregnant or in jail. Pretty much everything else we can fix.

I heard this one growing up a few times and took it to heart more in the last few years. I’ve changed – gone from a meticulous planner to letting more things just “happen”. It hasn’t always been easy, and I still revery easily to a worrying, planning control freak, but I’ve been much happier accepting that things just happen.

You’re better off doing something than worrying over the results unduly. Putting something in motion always is better than standing still – soldiers learn that from day 1. Applies to you’re daily life as well.

Sometimes things are beyond your control though. That was a big discovery that I had to live to learn. I’ve always been a fixer – how can I make you feel better, what can we do to make things work out. I went into social work because of this, and I found that in the end, the only thing I can TRULY do is myself.

The line “I’ll take care of you if you take care of me” has about 8.47 million results on google. That’s a lot of people who think that’s the right way to go about things. Personally I’m more in line with the following.

I’ll take care of me and you take care of you

4.2 million results for this one – about half. You can only really make yourself happy. You do the best you can too – because you’re not perfect and the situations aren’t perfect. But you’ll act the best you can, and you’ll have regrets and wonder “what if.” That’s fine. Just don’t let them rule you.

PS – I’m not advocating not helping others when they ask for it, nor am I saying turn into a selfish, narcissistic prick. I’m saying don’t neglect your happiness.
Unless you’ve got kids. Because once you have kids, you give up your rights to go have fun – you have responsibilities to someone else who is entirely dependent on you. The end.

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About Doc Spice

I walked around 4,000 miles between 2012 and 2013 on the Appalachian Trail. A time of discovery, life, joy and pain. Now I'm a hometown adventurer, explorer of the alley around the corner, the national park up the road, the next long hike and the beautiful, intelligent woman I talk to a lot. I'm a little crazy. But I think that's ok.

Posted on 03/07/2014, in 2014 and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. Doc Spice, I enjoyed this post. May I add, that you should print this out and save it for when you are in your sixties. I think you may find your perspective a little different.
    Ed

  2. ~ Trillium ~

    I agree with this 1,000%: “I’m saying don’t neglect your happiness.
    Unless you’ve got kids. Because once you have kids, you give up your rights to go have fun – you have responsibilities to someone else who is entirely dependent on you.”

    Wish that more of the younger generation would understand this.

  1. Pingback: How much I would regret posting this « Teguh Budimulia the blog

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